The older I get the more absent-minded I get. Some people call it "senior moments." I've also learned that the more you can laugh about it, the better off you are. If you take it serious, it will worry you to death.

 

I came across these little "absent-minded" stories and I thought they would be good for a laugh or two.

 

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After stopping off for lunch on a day trip, an elderly couple had driven ten miles down the road when the woman remembered that she had left her glasses at the restaurant. Her husband was irritated at having to go back for them. "How could you forget your glasses?" he moaned. "This is going to add an hour to the journey. The whole day is wasted!"

 

He was still complaining when they pulled up again outside the restaurant. As his wife got out of the car, he grumbled: "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."

 

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Three elderly women were discussing the problems of growing old. One said, "Sometimes I find myself in front of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise and I can't remember if I am putting it away or making a sandwich."

 

Another said: "And I can trip on the stairs and not remember if I was walking up or down."

 

"Oh well, I don't have those sort of problems, touch woods," said the third, tapping her knuckles on the table, before adding" "That must be the door -- I'll get it."

 

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A couple had become forgetful in their old age and sought a remedy by attending special memory classes when they were taught to remember things by word association. The husband was telling his neighbor how beneficial the classes had been.

 

"Who was the instructor?" asked the neighbor.

 

"Oh, um, what was the name now?" said the husband. "What's that flower that smells nice and has thorns?"

 

"A rose?"

 

"That's it," said the husband triumphantly. He turned towards the house and called: "Hey Rose, what's the name of the guy in charge of the memory class?"

 

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An absent-minded man tied a string around his finger in the early afternoon to remind him when he got home that there was something he wanted to be sure to do. After dinner, while reading his paper, he noticed the string but couldn't remember why he put it there. He decided if he sat up long enough, the reason for the string would come to him. And surely enough, around two o'clock in the morning it did -- he wanted to go to bed early that night.

 

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An elderly widow and a widower had been dating for five years. He finally asked her to marry him and she immediately said, "yes." But the next morning he couldn't remember what her answer had been. In desperation, he decided to call her.

 

"This is really embarrassing," he began, "but when I asked you to marry me yesterday, well, this morning, I just couldn't remember what your answer was."

 

"Oh, I'm so glad you called," she said. "I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was!"

 

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My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One day, he took me aside and left me there.

 

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An old man was lost so he wandered along the street and stopped the first personable-looking lad to whom he said: "Excuse me, I'm Professor Jones, you wouldn't happen to know where I live, would you?"

 

"Sure, Dad," said the boy.

 

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A 90-year old man was sitting on a park bench sobbing. A young man asked him what was wrong.

 

"I'm in love with a 20-year-old girl," wailed the old man. "She's gorgeous looking, kind, considerate, she's a great cook and we have the most fantastic sex three time a day, every day."

 

"So, why are you crying?"

 

"I've forgotten where we live."

 

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Three old men were at the doctor's for a memory test. The doctor asked the first old man: "What is two times two?"

 

"194" came the reply.

 

The doctor turned to the second old man. "What is two times two?"

 

"Thursday," replied the second old man.

 

Finally, the doctor addressed the third old man. "What is two times two?"

 

"Four," came the answer.

 

"That's great," said the doctor. "How did you get that?"

 

"Simple," said the third old man. "I subtracted 194 from Thursday."

 

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First, you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

 

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Losing your thought can be bad, and forgetfulness is bad, too. But, losing your sense of humor can be tragic.